My husband lost his dad almost 6 years ago leaving his elderly mother alone after 53 years of marriage.. They never had alot but what they did have the owned. These last 5+ years she has lived on her $988. social security checks and has been able to put back a bit of money every month...Last year my husbands brother borrowed $1000. from her to which he still hasnt totally paid back, Last weekend my husband learned that one of his sisters has "borrowed" $5000. She does not have a good track record at paying back money borrowed either...
Jeff is beside himself with worry, He takes care of his moms place and is a co-signer on her checking account, yet none of his family consulted him when they borrowed the money..His mom is left with less than 80% of her savings and we are concerned because she had put that money back to cover funeral cost for herself and such.
My opinion in the matter is that he needs to open a savings account in his name only and sign his Mom as the beniciary (sp) and move what she has left to ensure that it isnt touched. He then needs to put his family on notice that he will not allow anymore "loans" to be distributed.. I believe she will be ok with it, but it will lead to some major issues with the family.. The fact is, if something happens to her he will not be able to count on his brothers and sisters to help cover funeral cost and it will be left to us as it was when his Dad passed away.
What say you? Is what I suggest to heavy handed?
Sounds like a good plan, I have a brother doing the same thing to my mom.
I told her I wanted nothing from her, and that her money is hers, but when the time comes that she wants to live in assisted living, I will need to set up a separate account to protect her from the State.
We discussed the funeral thing and decided cremation was the smart way to go, that way we don't have to drive miles to see her grave, instead, we will spread her ashes with my dad on my property.
It may be how you were raised, but I would seriously rethink the funeral thing.
Funerals are for the living, and having a place where one feels obligated to visit once someone is gone, is a stress a couple does not need.
Go with cremation and let her enjoy the money while she is stoll alive.
Sounds like it time for Jeff and mom to set down for a heart to heart talk about her money. My wife had the same problem and we did more or less the same thing. But when her mom passed away my wife had full say over everything. (who got what!)
I am with Solar all the way. Let mom enjoy all her money.
Quote from: walkstall on October 13, 2011, 06:51:15 AM
Sounds like it time for Jeff and mom to set down for a heart to heart talk about her money. My wife had the same problem and we did more or less the same thing. But when her mom passed away my wife had full say over everything. (who got what!)
I am with Solar all the way. Let mom enjoy all her money.
I hope I didn't come off as callous, but money on a funeral is such a waste, especially when people have so little to get by on.
The woman would be much happier if she didn't have this worry over paying for a funeral.
I say take her out, get her a new dress, or sweater, get some lunch and listen to her talk, now, today while she is alive, not waste the money on death, but spend it on life...
Quote from: Solar on October 13, 2011, 07:02:43 AM
I hope I didn't come off as callous, but money on a funeral is such a waste, especially when people have so little to get by on.
The woman would be much happier if she didn't have this worry over paying for a funeral.
I say take her out, get her a new dress, or sweater, get some lunch and listen to her talk, now, today while she is alive, not waste the money on death, but spend it on life...
Not at all young man. Cremation is the way my wife and I will go. Money is for living. But then the kid tell us spend it all and we will take care of mom. My youngest girl has a room all set up for her when the time comes when she can not live on her own. (I think that will be a cold day in hell LOL)
Cremation is not an option..
She has a small burial policy and with what she has left that will be enough to cover funeral cost, if we can keep them away from what she has left that is.....Our concern is protecting what she has and ensuring that the family doesn't take anymore from her.
He has decided he isnt going to say anything to her about moving her savings until tomorrow when he actually is ready to do it, he is afraid she may say something to his sisters and one of them who is also a co-signer will remove what is left.
I understand what you both are saying about her spending her money and enjoying the rest of her life and we are in full agreement, but you would have to know her to understand that she never has spent money, we have tried to get her to take a trip to see family but she will not go, she does not drive due to her health and refuses to live anywhere but the home she has lived in for the last 40+ years.