2015 - The state of parenting in America

[mhughes]

I don't know if this is the right forum for this, feel free to move it...

In another thread, I was reminded about the over-protective helicopter parenting that is going on today.  I have a 3 year old and have been going through this first-hand.  Let me regale you with some of my tales. 

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The playground - I remember when I was a kid.  Mom would take me to the playground.  She'd go sit on a bench, I'd go play with the kids.  Parents didn't intervene unless something went seriously wrong.  Not anymore.  First, half the parents are playing with their kids. 

Next, any dispute, no matter how small, gets a yell from a parent.  Kid trying to push past another?  Yell.  Kid pushes another?  Yell.  Kid isn't nice to another?  Yell.  Sometimes, parents poke and prod their kids to introduce themselves or to play with others.

Gone are the staples of the playground.  No more see-saws.  No more merry go rounds.  Those standard metal slides with a ladder going up?  Gone.   

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We have a friend with an 8 year old.  EIGHT.  One day, we see a complaint on facebook because her dad let that 8 year old use a hammer. 

I've already let my 3 year old use a hand saw while building his tree fort.  I've let him try to swing my 8lb sledge.  Sure, with proper supervision and the explanation he should never do it alone.

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Was talking with another parent.  I forget what my kid was doing, and I don't remember the exact conversation.  But it went something like this...

Her: "OH! He's going to get hurt"
Me: "That's ok."
Her: "WHAT!!?!"
Me: "I'm here to make sure he doesn't get seriously hurt.  Let him fall, he'll learn."

She thought I was crazy.

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The biggest fear my wife has in parenting?  It's not the kid will get hurt, or sick, or have autism, or anything like that.  Her biggest fear is doing something wrong, protective services gets called, and we potentially lose him.

Example Story

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Preschool field trip.  Parents could go and chaperone.  My wife wasn't going.  Until she found out that almost every single kid in the class had a parent going.

Day of the field trip, one parent flipped out because there weren't seat belts on the school bus.

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School busses!  I haven't had to deal with this yet, but if you're not there when the bus drops off your kid, your kid doesn't get off the bus.  I'm not sure what grade that lasts until, but I know I walked to school in third grade. 

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Here's a little one... Most kids in preschool can't blow their own noses.

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Chemistry kits - There are no good chemistry kits for kids anymore.  In many of them, the strongest chemical you'll find is food coloring or salt.  Most don't even have any glassware.

(actually, I take that back a little, there are some GREAT kits specifically because of this problem.  They're like $300 but way too advanced for my kid right now)

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There's a great movement called "free range kids" or "free range parenting" that's all about letting kids explore their environment.



This is just what came to mind while I was writing, if you like hearing these, I'll post more as I think of them.

[Dori]

I guess my kids were free range.  When they were old enough to cross streets alone, they walked to and from school and to the park to play. 

Our city did have an adult Parks & Recs supervisor at the park during the day. 

Today, I rarely see kids walking to school.  The park is full of little kids with their nannies. 

[daidalos]

That's something that struck me the other day, watching the family.

In our day, we didn't run to mommy and daddy if another kid picked on us, or hit us.

We handled that ourselves. (If you get my meaning) But today, these kids can't wait to run to mommy/daddy the nearest adult, tattling on one another.

[kroz]

One of my granddaughters turned five last Monday and got a "Chemistry Kit" from her Dad.  I'm not sure what was in it but they did a few experiments during the day.

I got my Chemistry Kit in fifth grade and it was full of test tubes and chemicals.  I loved it!!

mhughes, I share your angst about today's parents.  Few are training their young children to think for themselves.  And even fewer are teaching their children self discipline.  Most kids think the word revolves around them!

[walkstall]

One of my granddaughters turned five last Monday and got a "Chemistry Kit" from her Dad.  I'm not sure what was in it but they did a few experiments during the day.

I got my Chemistry Kit in fifth grade and it was full of test tubes and chemicals.  I loved it!!

mhughes, I share your angst about today's parents.  Few are training their young children to think for themselves.  And even fewer are teaching their children self discipline.  Most kids think the word revolves around them!

In my day the word revolved around mom, if not dad would make an adjustment that you would not forget.   

[kroz]

In my day the word revolved around mom, if not dad would make an adjustment that you would not forget.   

Same in my family!!

[walkstall]

Same in my family!!

When mom was happy dad was happy and walks was some what safe.   

[kroz]

When mom was happy dad was happy and walks was some what safe.   

Didn't every family function that way fifty-sixty years ago? 

[Solar]

Trivial piece of a long lost past.
Remember how everyone was an expert in adjusting the rabbit ears to bring in the best picture?
I remember sitting in the living room watching a 10' B and W TV, rabbit ears had foil dangling off the ends, and four neighbors arguing over who had the best touch at bringing in the best picture.

The fights were on.
Well it turned out, it had absolutely nothing to do with technique, but rather stature.
After watching all of them give their best shot at TV antenna science, I knew I could make the picture nearly clear, I'd done it hundreds of times.
So I walked up casually while they all struggled to hear the fight over the static, hoping to see a glimpse of the fight through the snow, and when I touched it, "MAGIC" the picture was pretty good, for those days.
Yeah, at 3' tall, apparently I was just what the signal called for, problem was, every time I tried to sit on the foot stool, the pic disappeared, so dad made me stand there the rest of the night, because that's what kids did, obeyed their fathers.

[kroz]

Trivial piece of a long lost past.
Remember how everyone was an expert in adjusting the rabbit ears to bring in the best picture?
I remember sitting in the living room watching a 10' B and W TV, rabbit ears had foil dangling off the ends, and four neighbors arguing over who had the best touch at bringing in the best picture.

The fights were on.
Well it turned out, it had absolutely nothing to do with technique, but rather stature.
After watching all of them give their best shot at TV antenna science, I knew I could make the picture nearly clear, I'd done it hundreds of times.
So I walked up casually while they all struggled to hear the fight over the static, hoping to see a glimpse of the fight through the snow, and when I touched it, "MAGIC" the picture was pretty good, for those days.
Yeah, at 3' tall, apparently I was just what the signal called for, problem was, every time I tried to sit on the foot stool, the pic disappeared, so dad made me stand there the rest of the night, because that's what kids did, obeyed their fathers.

That's a great story.  I can totally identify with being an instrument of Dad's will.   

And how many times I was told, "Kids are to be seen but NOT heard!"

So you stood still and peered up the nostrils of the big people while they conversed!! 

[Solar]

That's a great story.  I can totally identify with being an instrument of Dad's will.   

And how many times I was told, "Kids are to be seen but NOT heard!"

So you stood still and peered up the nostrils of the big people while they conversed!! 

My dad used to say. Son, people say,  "Kids are to be seen and not heard!", well that's bull shit, this house may be in America, but I'm the dictator and what I say goes, and I say,  "Kids are neither to be seen nor heard!"
Now get your asses to bed and don't let me hear a peep out of either of you!

Ya just couldn't argue with logic like that. My dad was strict German, raised by old standard German parents from the old country.
But as tough as it was? It seriously made me appreciate the life I made for myself.
Something kids today lack. Appreciation for what they have.

[daidalos]

In my day the word revolved around mom, if not dad would make an adjustment that you would not forget.   

Ain't that the truth!  The worst thing I could hear my stepmother say was, "go to your room and wait till your father gets home!" I knew an "adjustment" was coming then! Of course today if a parent does that, they may very well wind up facing serious legal issues and jail time.

And that's the problem. Parent's can't be parent's anymore. Not at least in the mold of our own parents, and grandparents.