The Epiphany

[RV]

I was out for my usual walk this afternoon when it hit me. I was taken back in my memories to a time when I was a programmer/Analyst for the state. A problem would come up and I would think my hardest but, at times, couldn't come up with an answer. The more I tried, the farther the answer from me was. Person after person I talked with had no answers either.

While sleeping or in the shower, the answer would ht me. I would frantically sit up from sleeping or get out of the shower to jot down the answer. Sometimes it was on a notepad and sometimes, simply on the bathroom mirror. Interesting thing is, it always worked. The answer was always correct and the code always worked first time. I'm sure my wife must have been about ready to strangle me for sittting up in bed, writing on the bathroom mirror or leaving countless notes all over the house. Those days were surreal.

I was talking recently with a man regarding the sound system at church. He was praising how well I had ran everything. I told him that I had no idea of what I was doing and told him that God was doing everything, I was just the tool. It seemed like the thing to say and didn't really sink in, that is until today.

Those who are close to me and know me well know, that all of the rounds of chemotherapy have left me with some rather nasty side affects. The least of which is anxiety and fear. It is as if the multiple rounds of chemo have amplified virtually every bad thing while leaving the good alone.

It is difficult to communicate the extent or significance of events but, I'll try. So, I was walking and quite honestly feeling sorry for myself that I have been unable to shake the fear and anxiety even though I know that neither one is from God. I have badgered and berated myself as to why I seem to be unable to trust God more. Then as if a bolt of lightening, it hit me!

I can have side affects. I can be afraid. I can have anxiety but, God doe not. I may not be as bold as I should be but, God is. I may not have the courage of David but, God does. I may not have the wisdom of Solomon but, God does. The scripture talks about when I am weak, He is strong. It's not now nor has it ever been about me, it has always been about Him.  I am imperfect but, He is perfect. I am unrighteous but, He is righteous.

[Hoofer]

I too are undergoing Chemotherapy, you're not alone.

If nothing else, mentally, you push aside the little things and really see the important things in stark reality, what really counts, and what's a distraction.  If there ever was/is a time for directed focus, Chemo can *really* bring that on, big time.   Not the prospects of dying, but the narrowing of your focus on worthwhile things.

In my case, the "where will I spend eternity" - was settled decades ago, and at the Cross.

To keep from wandering on towards the stuff that doesn't matter - and I still work..  I listen to the Bible on MP3.  Actually have 6 different readers.  Exact same text (the KJV), not dramatized, just straight reading.  I get through the New Testament in about a week of driving, 3-4 tanks of gas in the service truck.  Ended yesterday in Ephesians...   

Why 6 different readers & just one version?
Each person emphasizes in their speech different words as they read.  We all, emphasize what we think is important, and sort of casually pass over the rest.  Alexander Scorby, doesn't read the same way as James Earl Jones (aka Darth Vader), Stephen Johnson, etc.   What I am *getting* is an interesting and better perspective as I journey through the New Testament.   The dynamics of the life of Christ, really come to life, and the *adventures* during Paul's missionary journeys are the stuff Movies ought to be made from.  Paul was one heck of a man, the book of Acts of the Apostles is one harrowing event after another, like espionage, several attempts on his life, narrow escapes, Paul pulling the "Roman Card" or "get out of jail free card".   

Rather than allow my mind to wander into "radio stupidity" - I'll direct it towards the One with whom I will see face-to-face someday, and fall at His feet in joyous thankfulness, for His salvation, a generous, merciful gift.  Until then, I still marvel at the historical events...

On the really bright side, flooding your mind with the Word of God, will open your understanding of the Word like a cracking a rock in half and finding a beautiful crystalline structure inside, sparkling, shining, glowing back at you.

https://audiobible.com/audio-bible-reading-narrator/
I only have 2 of those narrators listed, the rest are from different places.
George Vadiatus (sp) for instance, has a real "tough guy" sounding voice, and gives interesting mental visuals when reading stuff like Jesus driving the money changers out of the Temple.. (LOL, He makes Jesus really sound PISSED OFF), or confronting the Pharisees, "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.  And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not."  John 8:44-45
His emphasis is quite interesting... and very different compared to the rest. 

Each narrator is different, a real adventure - even thought they are reading the exact same text.
Force your mind & spirit towards the Word of God, meditate on the Word, you'll not be disappointed.

[RV]

I too are undergoing Chemotherapy, you're not alone.

If nothing else, mentally, you push aside the little things and really see the important things in stark reality, what really counts, and what's a distraction.  If there ever was/is a time for directed focus, Chemo can *really* bring that on, big time.   Not the prospects of dying, but the narrowing of your focus on worthwhile things.

In my case, the "where will I spend eternity" - was settled decades ago, and at the Cross.

To keep from wandering on towards the stuff that doesn't matter - and I still work..  I listen to the Bible on MP3.  Actually have 6 different readers.  Exact same text (the KJV), not dramatized, just straight reading.  I get through the New Testament in about a week of driving, 3-4 tanks of gas in the service truck.  Ended yesterday in Ephesians...   

Why 6 different readers & just one version?
Each person emphasizes in their speech different words as they read.  We all, emphasize what we think is important, and sort of casually pass over the rest.  Alexander Scorby, doesn't read the same way as James Earl Jones (aka Darth Vader), Stephen Johnson, etc.   What I am *getting* is an interesting and better perspective as I journey through the New Testament.   The dynamics of the life of Christ, really come to life, and the *adventures* during Paul's missionary journeys are the stuff Movies ought to be made from.  Paul was one heck of a man, the book of Acts of the Apostles is one harrowing event after another, like espionage, several attempts on his life, narrow escapes, Paul pulling the "Roman Card" or "get out of jail free card".   

Rather than allow my mind to wander into "radio stupidity" - I'll direct it towards the One with whom I will see face-to-face someday, and fall at His feet in joyous thankfulness, for His salvation, a generous, merciful gift.  Until then, I still marvel at the historical events...

On the really bright side, flooding your mind with the Word of God, will open your understanding of the Word like a cracking a rock in half and finding a beautiful crystalline structure inside, sparkling, shining, glowing back at you.

https://audiobible.com/audio-bible-reading-narrator/
I only have 2 of those narrators listed, the rest are from different places.
George Vadiatus (sp) for instance, has a real "tough guy" sounding voice, and gives interesting mental visuals when reading stuff like Jesus driving the money changers out of the Temple.. (LOL, He makes Jesus really sound PISSED OFF), or confronting the Pharisees, "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.  And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not."  John 8:44-45
His emphasis is quite interesting... and very different compared to the rest. 

Each narrator is different, a real adventure - even thought they are reading the exact same text.
Force your mind & spirit towards the Word of God, meditate on the Word, you'll not be disappointed.

Chemotherapy is not for wimps. It's difficult and has lots of side affects that they don't tell you about, especially after 6 years of it. Every time it got a little bit worse. Every time it took a little longer for me to "recover". Every time added one or two side affects that didn't go away afterwards. After the last time, I could hardly walk I was so dizzy and imbalanced. It took six months of Vestibular Rehabilitation to get me to the point where I could somewhat walk.

Scripture does help as did getting a life verse memorized. When things get difficult, I recite several verses in my mind including the life verse. In heaven there will be no side affects, no struggles, no anxiety and no stress.

I sincerely hope that you survive the Chemo with little or no side affects. Hang in there!

[Hoofer]

Chemotherapy is not for wimps. It's difficult and has lots of side affects that they don't tell you about, especially after 6 years of it. Every time it got a little bit worse. Every time it took a little longer for me to "recover". Every time added one or two side affects that didn't go away afterwards. After the last time, I could hardly walk I was so dizzy and imbalanced. It took six months of Vestibular Rehabilitation to get me to the point where I could somewhat walk.

Scripture does help as did getting a life verse memorized. When things get difficult, I recite several verses in my mind including the life verse. In heaven there will be no side affects, no struggles, no anxiety and no stress.

I sincerely hope that you survive the Chemo with little or no side affects. Hang in there!

3x a week, and a few other interesting nerve related drugs that ... hmmmm... have weird side effects.  Dreams like so VIVID... real dreams, not the LSD kind.
This allergic reaction to spring pollens is devastating to me.  Last year was bad, this year is horrible.

My thanks to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - everyone who has ever gifted them (including Rush Limbaugh), it has given me the ability to WORK for a living, support my family & pay my bills, where as without the L&LS help, more than I make in a month would be paying for the chemo-therapy.   I cannot express my gratitude, in words, for what this has meant to my family, wifey and kids, and those so dependent upon me.  If I was -gone- they would be dependent upon the state (welfare), the farm would be lost, we'd be flipped from paying taxes to receiving taxpayer's money.  That means a LOT to me, I want to be productive, not a drain on society - it's how I'm wired.


Fill your ears & eyes with the Word of God - seriously, every idle hour, the more the better.
We also make a point of praying for others, whether in similar situations or not - and seeing / hearing of fantastic answers to prayer - wow!   God is so good to us!  Hearing about those prayers answered is so encouraging to me, it lifts my spirit too!