SOUTHERNNESS

        There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living"

        Southerners know their summer weather report:

            Humidity
            Humidity
            Humidity
            -------------------------
            Southerners know their vacation spots:
            The beach
            The rivuh
            The crick
            --------
            Southerners know everybody's first name:
            Honey
            Darlin'
            Shugah
            --------
            Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
            Fried Green Tomatoes
            Driving Miss Daisy
            Steel Magnolias
            Gone With The Wind
            -----------
            Southerners know their religions:
            Bapdiss
            Methdiss
            Football
            --------------
            Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
            Chawl'stn
            S'vanah
            Foat Wuth
            N'awlins
            Addlanna
            ---------------
            Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
            Men in uniform
            Men in tuxedos
            Rhett Butler
            -----------------
            Southern girls know their prime real estate:
            The Mall
            The Country Club
            The Beauty Salon
            --------------
            Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
            Having bad hair and nails
            Having bad manners
            Cooking bad food.

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

            _____

            Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

            _____
            Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

            _____
            All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

            _____
            Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble; is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

            _____
            Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
            _____
            Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
            _____
            No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
            _____
            A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
            _____
            Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
            _____
            Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
            _____
            In the South, "y'all" is singular, and "all y'all" is plural.
            _____
            Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
            _____
            Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
            _____
            When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
            _____
            Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it --
            we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
            _______
            And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.
            ____
            To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
            _____
            And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
            _____
            Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fh-evah!

            Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a-been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your heart, fake it. We know you got here fast as you could.

Quote from: Hoofer on January 07, 2016, 08:24:12 AM
SOUTHERNNESS

        There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living"

        Southerners know their summer weather report:

            Humidity
            Humidity
            Humidity
            -------------------------
            Southerners know their vacation spots:
            The beach
            The rivuh
            The crick
            --------
            Southerners know everybody's first name:
            Honey
            Darlin'
            Shugah
            --------
            Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:
            Fried Green Tomatoes
            Driving Miss Daisy
            Steel Magnolias
            Gone With The Wind
            -----------
            Southerners know their religions:
            Bapdiss
            Methdiss
            Football
            --------------
            Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
            Chawl'stn
            S'vanah
            Foat Wuth
            N'awlins
            Addlanna
            ---------------
            Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:
            Men in uniform
            Men in tuxedos
            Rhett Butler
            -----------------
            Southern girls know their prime real estate:
            The Mall
            The Country Club
            The Beauty Salon
            --------------
            Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
            Having bad hair and nails
            Having bad manners
            Cooking bad food.

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

            _____

            Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

            _____

            Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

            _____
            Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

            _____
            All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

            _____
            Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble; is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!

            _____
            Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
            _____
            Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
            _____
            No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
            _____
            A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
            _____
            Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line,"... we talk to everybody!
            _____
            Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
            _____
            In the South, "y'all" is singular, and "all y'all" is plural.
            _____
            Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
            _____
            Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain't right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
            _____
            When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
            _____
            Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it --
            we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
            _______
            And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her sweet little heart"... and go your own way.
            ____
            To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
            _____
            And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff....bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
            _____
            Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fh-evah!

            Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a-been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your heart, fake it. We know you got here fast as you could.

So true and proud of it.

Quote from: supsalemgr on January 07, 2016, 09:01:01 AM
So true and proud of it.

Had just moved to the south.... nearly had to restrain the wife at a drive-thru...  The lady took MY order, smiled and said, "will there be anything else SUGAR?"      nothing like a cup of spilt Ice TEA in the lap to cool you down.

Early on in his marriage, my brother and his lovely bride, had considering moving for a job opportunity.  They asked what Louisville, KY was like: "Those irresistible southern-belles are so sweet and lady-like, they'll just melt your heart..."   She saw RED!  ...and they moved to Minneapolis, MN.

Quote from: Hoofer on January 07, 2016, 01:54:18 PM
Had just moved to the south.... nearly had to restrain the wife at a drive-thru...  The lady took MY order, smiled and said, "will there be anything else SUGAR?"      nothing like a cup of spilt Ice TEA in the lap to cool you down.

Early on in his marriage, my brother and his lovely bride, had considering moving for a job opportunity.  They asked what Louisville, KY was like: "Those irresistible southern-belles are so sweet and lady-like, they'll just melt your heart..."   She saw RED!  ...and they moved to Minneapolis, MN.

Just have to adjust to folks being nice.

Yep, that's my lingo!   

..... well... maybe I'm not so forgiving of slow drivers on the freeway! 

Quote from: kroz on January 07, 2016, 03:36:09 PM
Yep, that's my lingo!   

..... well... maybe I'm not so forgiving of slow drivers on the freeway! 

My favorite? Any insult, followed by "Well bless his heart"....
Isn't your's a special baby, the way her eyes cross and roll back in her head, "Well bless her heart"...

Quote from: Solar on January 07, 2016, 03:43:45 PM
My favorite? Any insult, followed by "Well bless his heart"....
Isn't your's a special baby, the way her eyes cross and roll back in her head, "Well bless her heart"...

...followed by muttering something sarcastic & quietly, "Oh my, I see the likeness... And that s-m-i-l-e... baby's got daddy's gums!...."

Quote from: kroz on January 07, 2016, 03:36:09 PM
Yep, that's my lingo!   

..... well... maybe I'm not so forgiving of slow drivers on the freeway! 

Was visiting Roanoke VA over a weekend, 3 lanes going north and south, main hwy through town.
Sunday morning, 9am about.
Southbound side, two cars are stopped, one in the center lane, the other, right next to them, right lane .... traffic is driving around them.

Looked like they were just "visiting".  Just couldn't wait a minute longer, these ladies musta had something really important.