THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough,
as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly
alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb,
(fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can(COORS),
then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the
shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my
ear is going to help me.'


'Trust me,' said the doctor.



So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.


He held the can up to his ear and began to count!


'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'







At which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana ,
Arkansas , Mississippi , Illinois and all of Washington DC.

 

By God, that's funny, I don't care who you are! I love how it's just RIDDLED with cliches. Reminds me of another one (of course):

How do you get a one-armed hillbilly out of a tree? Wave to him.

Quote from: tbone0106 on July 01, 2012, 09:19:56 AM


By God, that's funny, I don't care who you are! I love how it's just RIDDLED with cliches. Reminds me of another one (of course):

How do you get a one-armed hillbilly out of a tree? Wave to him.

True story, neighbors cat stuck in a 120' Ponderosa pine, Doc, named after his dads friend whom of which was crushed in a car crusher in Missouri.
Doc had one arm, lost it in an accident, he tried to steal a hot power line out in the sticks.
Hell, no one around for miles to see him, sounded like a good idea at the time?

Doc only survived, because after blowing his arm off at the shoulder, the arc cauterized the wound, but the fall restarted his heart.
Account based on the other idiot helping him, climbed the pole only to find him dead.
Idiot #2 went for help, on return an hour later with police/fire, Doc had fallen from the pole and was found in a daze wandering around looking for his arm.

Now for the story, the damn cat had been up there for three sleepless nights, (my sleepless nights),
I asked Doc if he knew anything about it, Doc lived a half mile away, the other side of my property across the canyon, the cat was halfway between the two of us, but the sound carries quite well up here when you consider the acoustics of the terrain.
And yes, it was his wife's cat...

So Doc and I survey the situation, we decided shooting the limb off was out of the question, (bullets do come back to Earth).
The next and pretty much only option was a rope, I got up in another tree and being right handed, started swinging the rope with a weight attached, in hopes of snaring the limb and shaking the noise maker to the ground.
Well, I kept clipping the limb on another tree, left handed would have worked, but I'm not ambidextrous.

So... (and here's where my genius kicks in) I yell down to Doc, "Are You Right, Or Left Handed?"

The look on One Arm Doc's face was freakin Priceless.


But you should have heard the fish stories, especially when he held his hand up to show how big the one was that got away.

Yes, it was all true, and his cousin lived down the road, the one married to his own blood cousin.

I see no reason to ever visit Missouri...

Quote from: Solar on July 01, 2012, 10:03:26 AM


True story, neighbors cat stuck in a 120' Ponderosa pine, Doc, named after his dads friend whom of which was crushed in a car crusher in Missouri.
Doc had one arm, lost it in an accident, he tried to steal a hot power line out in the sticks.
Hell, no one around for miles to see him, sounded like a good idea at the time?

Doc only survived, because after blowing his arm off at the shoulder, the arc cauterized the wound, but the fall restarted his heart.
Account based on the other idiot helping him, climbed the pole only to find him dead.
Idiot #2 went for help, on return an hour later with police/fire, Doc had fallen from the pole and was found in a daze wandering around looking for his arm.

Now for the story, the damn cat had been up there for three sleepless nights, (my sleepless nights),
I asked Doc if he knew anything about it, Doc lived a half mile away, the other side of my property across the canyon, the cat was halfway between the two of us, but the sound carries quite well up here when you consider the acoustics of the terrain.
And yes, it was his wife's cat...

So Doc and I survey the situation, we decided shooting the limb off was out of the question, (bullets do come back to Earth).
The next and pretty much only option was a rope, I got up in another tree and being right handed, started swinging the rope with a weight attached, in hopes of snaring the limb and shaking the noise maker to the ground.
Well, I kept clipping the limb on another tree, left handed would have worked, but I'm not ambidextrous.

So... (and here's where my genius kicks in) I yell down to Doc, "Are You Right, Or Left Handed?"

The look on One Arm Doc's face was freakin Priceless.


But you should have heard the fish stories, especially when he held his hand up to show how big the one was that got away.

Yes, it was all true, and his cousin lived down the road, the one married to his own blood cousin.

I see no reason to ever visit Missouri...

My sister and her no-branches-on-the-family-tree husband just moved back from Missouri. TWELVE kids, all home-schooled. Yowza, what a family. Long story....