My husband is a functioning alcoholic.  He was drinking 750 ML bottles of whiskey in 2 nights.  I told him if he didn't stop I would leave.  He now only drinks 3 beers a night (not every night) but whenever I go out with friends or out getting my hair done (anytime I'm gone for more than 2 hours) I come home and he just seems really off.  Talking a lot and loud, voice a little slurred.  I accuse him of drinking hard liquor and he insists he only drank 3 beers.  I don't buy that he would be acting that way from 3 beers.  I search the house to check if he is stashing alcohol but didn't find anything (years ago he stashed Southern Comfort under the bathroom sink).  So I don't know if he is on some kind of drug or what but it's really frustrating and upsetting.

Quote from: tracy9 on July 16, 2015, 08:10:18 PM
My husband is a functioning alcoholic.  He was drinking 750 ML bottles of whiskey in 2 nights.  I told him if he didn't stop I would leave.  He now only drinks 3 beers a night (not every night) but whenever I go out with friends or out getting my hair done (anytime I'm gone for more than 2 hours) I come home and he just seems really off.  Talking a lot and loud, voice a little slurred.  I accuse him of drinking hard liquor and he insists he only drank 3 beers.  I don't buy that he would be acting that way from 3 beers.  I search the house to check if he is stashing alcohol but didn't find anything (years ago he stashed Southern Comfort under the bathroom sink).  So I don't know if he is on some kind of drug or what but it's really frustrating and upsetting.

I would say you will not find it in the house.  He been there and done that.   Is there a detached garage or workshop? 

The other thing, you told him if he did not stop you would leave.  Well he did not stop (3 beers a night or so is not stopping) and you did not leave.   He is a alcoholic, so he will lie.  When you give an ultimatum, you must be set to back it up. 

But you must remember I am a bad ass when it comes to something like this.   You can always call AA for some help even if he will not go.  They can help you even if he will not help himself. 

What Walks said.  ^

Don't threaten, if you don't plan to make good on it.  It's okay to love an addict.  Sounds to me like you would benefit from Al-Anon.  Go to the meetings and follow the steps.  It will give you strength to be with others living through the same thing.  Always show respect for yourself and him.  It sounds like he's trying to battle against it.  He may need to be in rehab away from it and learn to find other things in life to satisfy whatever the alcohol does for him.

If he doesn't have a serious diet problem or isn't diabetic, keep his favorite sweets around.  The sugar could replace some of his cravings.

Quote from: Dori on July 17, 2015, 08:34:31 AM
What Walks said.  ^

Don't threaten, if you don't plan to make good on it.  It's okay to love an addict.  Sounds to me like you would benefit from Al-Anon.  Go to the meetings and follow the steps.  It will give you strength to be with others living through the same thing.  Always show respect for yourself and him.  It sounds like he's trying to battle against it.  He may need to be in rehab away from it and learn to find other things in life to satisfy whatever the alcohol does for him.

If he doesn't have a serious diet problem or isn't diabetic, keep his favorite sweets around.  The sugar could replace some of his cravings.

Once again Dori, excellent advice.
As a child with an alcoholic parent, I have no sympathies nor [patience for abusers, they'll only drag you down with them.
Don't just walk away, run like Hell, unless they quit cold turkey, there's nothing you can do.

Dori is right, help yourself in understanding your attraction to people like this, it will give you more than just an understanding of their issues, as well as your own.
I used to attend "Children of alcoholic parents", it allowed me a new understanding.
My father finally quit drinking in his late 60s.

Quote from: Solar on July 17, 2015, 10:22:45 AM
Once again Dori, excellent advice.
As a child with an alcoholic parent, I have no sympathies nor [patience for abusers, they'll only drag you down with them.
Don't just walk away, run like Hell, unless they quit cold turkey, there's nothing you can do.

Dori is right, help yourself in understanding your attraction to people like this, it will give you more than just an understanding of their issues, as well as your own.
I used to attend "Children of alcoholic parents", it allowed me a new understanding.
My father finally quit drinking in his late 60s.

Alcoholic have to want to do it for themselves not just for there wife or kids, or it will not last 95% of the time.   The ones who make it say they had had enough of this demon in a bottle.   My old company I worked for put a lot of people through rehab, the last ten years they said two time and you out the door.   I had to tell a lot of people that it was rehab or your out the door. 

I can only speak for myself on this one Traci.  My husband was a social drinker when we married if you can call it that.  I knew better and wouldn't touch it.  He, oth, wanted to keep his "friends" so he would drink if they wanted to.  That 2-3 beers is just an old saying all drunks use and it could be or really was anywhere from that three to X number and too many to count before they would pass out.  My EX used to say that he was trying to acquire a taste for the stuff and that's what he wound up doing.  Well, I stayed too long.  After twelve years, I walked out and carried my 4 children with me and never looked back.  Many long unfruitful talks and alot of begging and crying were no good either.  I went to my Mom's house and stayed 2 months.  That was long enough to get myself situated into living quarters and the children into their new schools.  The rest of my life with my kids was spent working 6-7 days per week and alot of time was spent working a part-time job.  I honestly don't know what I would have done had it not been for my Mom and Dad who would let the kids stay with them while i worked.  Other than that, I had my church family and my music.  It doesn't have to go that badly for everyone.  I thought he loved his children enough to change so I stayed as long as I could.  I have 4 of the most beautiful kids anywhere.  The oldest is 50 and the twins are 47 and the youngest is 45.  Don't waste your life and the lives of your children on uselessness. 

I've been remarried 14 years to the "sheriff" and he is a wonderful person.  We have many of the same interests in life but we spend most of our time together and that's what counts.  You have to enjoy the company of your spouse and put them first in your life.  It is not wrong to give others a chance but there has to be something reciprocated from that trust sooner than later. 

Quote from: keyboarder on July 24, 2015, 06:18:18 AM
I can only speak for myself on this one Traci.  My husband was a social drinker when we married if you can call it that.  I knew better and wouldn't touch it.  He, oth, wanted to keep his "friends" so he would drink if they wanted to.  That 2-3 beers is just an old saying all drunks use and it could be or really was anywhere from that three to X number and too many to count before they would pass out.  My EX used to say that he was trying to acquire a taste for the stuff and that's what he wound up doing.  Well, I stayed too long.  After twelve years, I walked out and carried my 4 children with me and never looked back.  Many long unfruitful talks and alot of begging and crying were no good either.  I went to my Mom's house and stayed 2 months.  That was long enough to get myself situated into living quarters and the children into their new schools.  The rest of my life with my kids was spent working 6-7 days per week and alot of time was spent working a part-time job.  I honestly don't know what I would have done had it not been for my Mom and Dad who would let the kids stay with them while i worked.  Other than that, I had my church family and my music.  It doesn't have to go that badly for everyone.  I thought he loved his children enough to change so I stayed as long as I could.  I have 4 of the most beautiful kids anywhere.  The oldest is 50 and the twins are 47 and the youngest is 45.  Don't waste your life and the lives of your children on uselessness. 

I've been remarried 14 years to the "sheriff" and he is a wonderful person.  We have many of the same interests in life but we spend most of our time together and that's what counts.  You have to enjoy the company of your spouse and put them first in your life.  It is not wrong to give others a chance but there has to be something reciprocated from that trust sooner than later.

Thanks key for sharing a very poignant life story with someone who needed to hear it.  I hope she listens and takes action.  It is time to quit fooling herself and take charge of her life.  Nothing will change where she is.

Quote from: kroz on July 24, 2015, 07:46:43 AM
Thanks key for sharing a very poignant life story with someone who needed to hear it.  I hope she listens and takes action.  It is time to quit fooling herself and take charge of her life.  Nothing will change where she is.

That's ok if it will help, I'm not against telling this stuff.  It might help her but it brings back the painful memories of how I thought it was ok to "stand by this man".  That was my first and worst encounter with a liberal so I'll never forget it.  I've been a conservative ever since I left him.  I don't know what I ever did to find myself in a mess like that one but that's where an abiding faith comes in.  The Lord didn't promise us a life without problems, only that He would take us thru it.  Needless to say, I'm a tee-totaler and the man I'm married to now is one too.  It's "funner" this time around.   

Sometimes i think that the main obstacle in overcoming life's problems is the fact that we'll have to "solo it" thru.  Well, in my case i had the faith that no wrong could come out of doing what was right and that I would never be alone in doing the right thing.  My children and i suffered greatly from just the sheer ugliness of a drinker, so the change from that alone was enough to justify my decision.   

My children finished school and all 4 have furthered their educational backgrounds.  The daughter took extra courses at Converse to help her job requirments at ENT/Sptbg.  One of the twins went to the two year college in Sptbg. and got his Assoc. degree.  The other twin took a community college course to help on his job.  The youngest son also took courses at the local community college.  They are all doing well on their jobs and are healthy.  i'm just glad that none of them had their Dad's attitude about life.  I've got 7 grands and three greqt-grands.  I am blessed!

Quote from: keyboarder on July 26, 2015, 06:58:48 AM
That's ok if it will help, I'm not against telling this stuff.  It might help her but it brings back the painful memories of how I thought it was ok to "stand by this man".  That was my first and worst encounter with a liberal so I'll never forget it.  I've been a conservative ever since I left him.  I don't know what I ever did to find myself in a mess like that one but that's where an abiding faith comes in.  The Lord didn't promise us a life without problems, only that He would take us thru it.  Needless to say, I'm a tee-totaler and the man I'm married to now is one too.  It's "funner" this time around.   

Sometimes i think that the main obstacle in overcoming life's problems is the fact that we'll have to "solo it" thru.  Well, in my case i had the faith that no wrong could come out of doing what was right and that I would never be alone in doing the right thing.  My children and i suffered greatly from just the sheer ugliness of a drinker, so the change from that alone was enough to justify my decision.   

My children finished school and all 4 have furthered their educational backgrounds.  The daughter took extra courses at Converse to help her job requirments at ENT/Sptbg.  One of the twins went to the two year college in Sptbg. and got his Assoc. degree.  The other twin took a community college course to help on his job.  The youngest son also took courses at the local community college.  They are all doing well on their jobs and are healthy.  i'm just glad that none of them had their Dad's attitude about life.  I've got 7 grands and three greqt-grands.  I am blessed!

You are indeed very blessed, key.  Thanks again for sharing a part of your life with people who can gain much from such knowledge.