RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

Quote from: kroz on January 19, 2016, 11:32:11 AM

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.

I am sure I am not alone in saying we did not realize how great he was at the time.

Quote from: supsalemgr on January 19, 2016, 12:52:45 PM
I am sure I am not alone in saying we did not realize how great he was at the time.

I would love to have a TV lineup today like we had back in the 60s.  Those were the days!!

REVISED.

He was and still is beloved for his gentle humor, but after Political Correctness ruined American comedy, characters such as Frank Fontaine's Crazy Guggenheim got shuffled into history. Today's PC world would dislike Skelton's many hobo skits as well: can't mock the homeless, they're a voting bloc!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZBTyTWOZCM

Quote from: quiller on January 19, 2016, 09:23:45 PM
He was and still is beloved for his gentle humor, but after Political Correctness ruined American comedy, the character of Crazy Guggenheim got shuffled into history. Today's PC world would dislike his many hobo skits as well: can't mock the homeless, they're a voting bloc!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZBTyTWOZCM

Crazy Guggenheim was not a Skelton character. See revised post above.

One more item about Red Skelton...as told by "Corporal Klinger," Jamie Farr, recounting Red Skelton's participation in U.S.O. tours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4DUKxV4QKQ

Reminds me of what was perhaps my first exposure to "Political Correctness".

People objected to Red's depiction of "Freddie the FreeLoader" as unkind.

I was very young, but I smelled BS as well as I do now.