A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the
freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new
penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an
inch."

The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had
a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher
now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in
helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."

OUCH THAT'S GOTTA HURT! 

Quote from: PeterR on September 17, 2012, 10:41:15 AM
"We're getting granite counter tops."

Wrong answer. What a wuss.

Correct answer: "We're getting divorced. I'll take seven inches and still have a couple grand for partying after she's gone."