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January 28, 2022, 04:43:32 AM

Health vs obsession

Started by Solars Toy, August 11, 2021, 05:29:52 AM

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Solars Toy

Steps, water, sleep and repeat....

These are healthy goals that each and everyone of us should have.  Being active, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough rest. 
As a younger woman I went through a phase (in my 30's) where I became obsessed about being in shape.  It really had nothing to do with my physical well being but more so with my ego.  I truly believe it stemmed from feeling unattractive, undesirable, and a failed marriage.   

I needed to gain control and the one thing I could control was my body.  I started walking 3-4 times a day, lifting weights, and roller blading every evening for an hour or so after my girls had gone to bed.  I gave up all my junk food and willed myself to avoid all the "bad" foods.   Getting myself down to a size 2 was the ultimate goal.
During this time I became divorced.  I changed up my routine and didn't show this compulsive behavior in front of my girls.  The walks, weights, and exercise were done while they were in school, I was at work,  or in bed for the night.  (300 crunches a night) I fed the girls healthy but also allowed them to have the goodies.   They were hopefully unaware that Mom ate different than them.  I was not anorexic or bulimic, but I think I understand the compulsion that goes with those disorders.

I maintained this weight/size for almost 10 years but then life happened again, and I am by nature a stress eater.  For the last 20 years I have lost and gained the same 25 pounds.  I have tried almost every diet and food program out there, worked with a nutritionist and a life coach. (the last time I got down to a size 4)

With age comes wisdom.  The wisdom of years of studying and understanding my body and my mind.  I don't want to eat differently from my family, nor do I want to starve or limit what my husband can eat.  I don't believe in denying myself all week so I can have one meal that doesn't meet this self imposed limiting of myself. (cheat meal) A coach I worked with told me if I wanted chocolate I should eat the chocolate.  It needed to be dark chocolate and she recommended the individual squares.  She told me to have one and wait – if I wanted anther then have one and wait...  Denying myself set me up to binge so this has always worked for me. (at least for chocolate)

So once again I am working on getting these pounds off.   I am not being obsessive about it.  I am listening to my body and not abusing it as I had in the past.  My ego doesn't need to be fed but my ankles can use the break. 

I pray, not wish because I have a God not a Genie.