Author Topic: Parody---Early Morning Executive Order---Parody  (Read 556 times)

Offline actionblock

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Parody---Early Morning Executive Order---Parody
« on: January 26, 2014, 04:07:49 AM »
(Beginning of parody)
EXECUTIVE ORDER
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ESTABLISHMENT OF SPECIAL FACILITIES TO DEAL WITH CONSERVATIVES         
WHO PRESENT A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER
TO THE SURVIVAL OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including section 202 of the Revised Statutes (22 U.S.C. 2656) and section 3161 of title 5, United States Code, it is hereby ordered as follows:
 
Section 1. Establishment. There is established within the Department of Justice, in accordance with section 3161 of title 5, United States Code, a temporary organization to be known as the Citizens for Peace, Progress and Prosperity Partnership Office (CPPPPO).
 
Sec. 2. Purpose of the Temporary Organization. The purposes of the CPPPPO shall be to perform the specific project of supporting executive departments and agencies in expediting the construction of facilities (camps) that provide security and stabilization for the Federal Republic from the Conservative threat and transition the Federal Republic back to a normalized Democracy.

Sec. 3. Functions of the Temporary Organization. In carrying out the purposes set forth in section 2 of this order, the CPPPPO shall:

(a)  Construct camps where Conservative media personalities will be held and tortured, within limits of the Bybee Memo, as reprisals for crimes against the Federal Republic.
 
(b)  Construct labor camps where interned Conservatives will to do hard physical labor on "Green Projects" under inhumane conditions and cruel treatment, within limits of the Bybee Memo.

(c) Construct camps where Conservatives will be held after capture, while awaiting assignment to other camps.

(d) Construct camps where the intelligentsia of the Conservative movement will be held as slaves, within limits of the Bybee Memo and "re-educated" according to Liberal values.

(e) Construct  (Redacted for national security purposes)

Sec. 4. Personnel and Administration. The CPPPPO shall be headed by a Director appointed by the Attorney General. The CPPPPO shall be based in Washington, D.C. and other secret locations protected by executive privilege (418 U.S. at 713-14).

Sec. 5. Termination of the Temporary Organization. The CPPPPO shall terminate at the end of the maximum period permitted by section 3161(a)(1) of title 5, United States Code, unless extended by the Attorney General.

Sec.6. General Provisions. (a) This order shall be implemented and is not subject to the availability of appropriations.

 (b) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

End of EXECUTIVE ORDER
(End of parody)
"Everything must have a purpose?" asked God. "Certainly," said man. "Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this," said God. And He went away.
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle --

 

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