The problem with bi-polar.  They can have good days, off days, bad days and very bad days. (Weeks)  It can not be control all the time even with med.  Life is all about them, on good day your a great husband, on bad day look out it ALL your fault.

This can work the other way if the husband is bi-polar.

Quote from: Mountainshield on July 28, 2015, 02:32:05 PM
It is eggshells but also a constant fear for any change in temperament meant I was in for it, for example one trigger was two teenagers laughing in the street of something, another trigger was me getting a phone message where a friend said "heya" so it can be anything and is impossible to predict.

I think I need to careful as to not get bitter myself as I come the conclusion that it is completely over, one part of me is just hoping for the impossible. So yeah yor are right Dori I need to work on overcoming my guilt since it will not be washed away by a reconciliation since that is not coming.  But reading this thread I'm left very certain that it is for the better. I'm only 29 so like you said Solar I will count my blessings and view it as opportunity to start my thirties with a fresh start and more experience to handle a potential future relationship, maybe see where my current one will go, but I will take it real slow this time. Use the time for self betterment and exercise.

Thanks for your time and your stories, it really helps 

You mention eggshells. I too have been there, it's called an abusive relationship.
People always think of the man as the abuser/aggressor, but that's BS, it's 50/50 statistically speaking, women can be just as cruel.
The problem with men, is they wind up emasculated in the end, and like women, can't leave the relationship, it's literally Stockholm syndrome, and it does require counseling, otherwise you might wind up in another because the cycle is hard to break.

We know women tend to seek out abusive men once they break away from the first, the stats simply aren't there for men returning to abuse, but it doesn't require a stretch to see men are equally as vulnerable.
What ever it was that attracted you in the first place, could be the one issue abusers all share, so you may want to seek help so as to avoid repeating the problem in the future.

One other point. These people are master manipulators, so be aware.

Mountainshield --- a sense of humor helps. Consider her your starter wife.

Quote from: quiller on July 29, 2015, 02:55:58 AM
Mountainshield --- a sense of humor helps. Consider her your starter wife.

Hehe yeah humor definitely helps  Been watching Rick & Morty as a pro. Hmm guess I can look at the divorce as an upgrade then moving from starter wife to pro wife, as long as I don't turn out like Bill from King of the Hill that is 

Quote from: Mountainshield on July 29, 2015, 10:24:38 AM
Hehe yeah humor definitely helps  Been watching Rick & Morty as a pro. Hmm guess I can look at the divorce as an upgrade then moving from starter wife to pro wife, as long as I don't turn out like Bill from King of the Hill that is 

Be sure and learn from your mistakes.  That is critical at this juncture in your life.

We tend to repeat our mistakes.  Be cautious and shrew in your future assessment of women!

What are the qualities a man wants in a wife?  Men are attracted to pretty women, but sometimes that disappears when they open their mouth. 

A few things that I think are most important in a relationship are trust, genuinely liking that person, and mutual respect.   Unmet expectations can turn into anger too.  That's why you really need to know, understand and accept that person before you can live together.  Getting pre-marital counseling would help a lot of couples before they take the plunge.  You get all that stuff worked out ahead of time. 

Quote from: Dori on July 29, 2015, 11:29:57 AM
What are the qualities a man wants in a wife?  Men are attracted to pretty women, but sometimes that disappears when they open their mouth. 

A few things that I think are most important in a relationship are trust, genuinely liking that person, and mutual respect.   Unmet expectations can turn into anger too.  That's why you really need to know, understand and accept that person before you can live together.  Getting pre-marital counseling would help a lot of couples before they take the plunge.  You get all that stuff worked out ahead of time.

Yep, in a nutshell? A best friend.

Quote from: kroz on July 29, 2015, 10:49:00 AM
Be sure and learn from your mistakes.  That is critical at this juncture in your life.

We tend to repeat our mistakes.  Be cautious and shrew in your future assessment of women!

Maybe i got enough the first time around because my "sheriff" is nothing like the kid's dad, directly opposite.  Or, maybe the chore and absolute joy of raising these kids on my own was enough to keep me occupied and out of harms way of maybe another dud.  That really bothered me about how i made such a horrible choice the first time.  The only thing I took from that relationship was 4 beautiful, smart kids and I've never been disappointed in any of them.  I think that making such a wrong choice kept me from trying it again as long as i had kids at home.  I was too afraid that they might be hurt by a wrong choice on my part.  It worked out anyway.   

Quote from: keyboarder on July 29, 2015, 01:36:33 PM
Maybe i got enough the first time around because my "sheriff" is nothing like the kid's dad, directly opposite.  Or, maybe the chore and absolute joy of raising these kids on my own was enough to keep me occupied and out of harms way of maybe another dud.  That really bothered me about how i made such a horrible choice the first time.  The only thing I took from that relationship was 4 beautiful, smart kids and I've never been disappointed in any of them.  I think that making such a wrong choice kept me from trying it again as long as i had kids at home.  I was too afraid that they might be hurt by a wrong choice on my part.  It worked out anyway.

You're a smart lady, key.  Don't be too hard on yourself for the first mistake.

Focusing on your kids was the right thing to do!!  My Dad remarried too soon after my Mom's death.  I was just ten at the time and he thought he had to have a woman to raise his daughters and take care of the home.  He had a business to run and didn't have a clue how to run a household.  Unfortunately there were many bumpy years ahead for him and the entire family.

Don't ever second guess your decision to focus on your kids.  They will be a blessing to you for the rest of your life.

Divorce is tougher on men because they don't have the social network that women have to tap into.  Get back in touch with your friends and it will help. 

Quote from: hobbsforever on August 08, 2015, 11:35:47 AM
Divorce is tougher on men because they don't have the social network that women have to tap into.  Get back in touch with your friends and it will help.

So, why don't men have a social network? 

Women are good about reaching out and helping others..... which builds friendships.

Men, not so much so.   

Quote from: kroz on August 08, 2015, 12:22:43 PM
So, why don't men have a social network? 

Women are good about reaching out and helping others..... which builds friendships.

Men, not so much so.   

I think it is men are not so into sharing difficult situations except with unusually close friends. I have always been amazed at how much women share with other women about their personal situations. It is just a "man thing" I guess.

Quote from: supsalemgr on August 08, 2015, 01:54:02 PM
I think it is men are not so into sharing difficult situations except with unusually close friends. I have always been amazed at how much women share with other women about their personal situations. It is just a "man thing" I guess.

If find most woman need to talk about problems, for ways to handle things.  Most men just do it and don't even talk about it unless ask, then it is said in very few.  My wife would ask what did you just say.  I would have to stop and talk to her about it for and hour(s).  Men would just say ok.   

Quote from: walkstall on August 08, 2015, 02:20:02 PM
If find most woman need to talk about problems, for ways to handle things.  Most men just do it and don't even talk about it unless ask, then it is said in very few.  My wife would ask what did you just say.  I would have to stop and talk to her about it for and hour(s).  Men would just say ok.

Women are definitely a lot more verbal than men.

.....  and it can get us into problems sometimes.....   

Just let time be on your side. The more time that passes, the better life gets.
Don't feel guilty, things happen.