Okay guys, I know from the offset you will laugh at me, so leave your Biden personae at the door. Plus I think I should ask my fellow Cons about this, since hey, who do I ask? Liberals? Haha.
So I've met this Israeli girl online 10 months ago and we've been chatting back to back almost every day, and yes, we fell in love w/ each other. She's opened up a lot (metaphorically speaking) about her past and her problems. Well, I wholeheartedly accepted it and I said I understood.
Weird things go by, and suddenly she was talking about our future together...
So is it worth it? I mean she's a non-practicing Jew and I'm a practicing Christian, and I'm worried if we ever hit it off we might encounter problems along the way. Is it worth the cost? I'm on the fence, I mean, I can't know if she cheats on me or not, but she's already opened her personal life to me so I guess it's a green light for me...I think.
But I'm serious for her, and that's what counts most for me.
I'm in Kangarooland & she's in the Holy Land...
...Oy vey.
I'm no Dear Abby, but I'd be careful.
First of all, a girl that gets into telling you about her problems, might just be a problem herself. People are willing to share things through the keyboard, that they might otherwise not.
What future together? This is a giant red flag. You two have not fallen in love. You have fallen in love with the perception that you have of each other, through your online exchanges. I have people that I've met online that I consider friends, but wouldn't recognize them if we passed in the street.
I'm not saying that the two of you won't hit it off in person, but planning a future together without ever meeting, is pure crazy. If you want to pursue this relationship, go for it. But go slow. Are you willing to relocate to Israel? Is she willing to move here? You guys need to get to know each other in person before you get into any talk of a future together. The online persona doesn't always match up with the in-person persona.
My 2 cents.
Its nice you have found someone to chat with. You might even be skype talkin to. But at the end of the day its still words on a screen. A small percentage of a face on skype. Its a tough call at best. But 10 months and thinkin about a full blown relationship.....that may or may not pan out... make sure she has money to get home or you have money to run home.
Sometimes a want isnt what you need.
A google search on "online love affairs", reveals many of the problems that can be associated with this type of relationship.
Thanks, I definitely have a plan to go to Israel someday though :)
I've met her friends on Skype, her siblings, every thing, and we talk every day...not sure bout her parents though, I don't think they speak English that good.
Excellent advice from all.
My two cents based on experience three different times, all more than a 1000 miles away failed.
The main reason was chemistry, it just wasn't there.
My Grand mother once told me, look at a persons most irritating habit, and decide if you can live with that the rest of your life.
You may think it's cute how she answers every question with a question now, but wnat about thirty years down the road, and she's still questioning your every statement?
Point is, you will never really know till you meet in person. The image of what you want her to be as opposed to the person she really is, has clouded your mind, you haven't even seen her walk, socialize with people in public, her interaction with animals and children.
You have to spend a minimum of two days with them to get a feel of what the future holds.
My suggestion would be to slow way, way down and start looking in your own neighborhood.
I found the love of my life(ST) on Singlesnet.com, only 60 miles away.
Good luck, but you don't really have to scour the world looking for love, there is someone perfect for you right in your own town.
One other point, you have shown that you are willing to put aside obvious differences like Religion, as yourself, just how many other things have you excused in need of making this work?
Just a couple of examples:
My youngest recently met someone online. They chatted back and forth and talked on the phone every night for over 2 months. He finally flys out so they can meet face to face (he has already fallen head over heels for her and she thinks maybe this is the one). They meet and there is no chemistry... She told him and he got nasty.
Second example is a couple of my friends who went looking for love on line and ended up getting scammed. Both were chatting to men in another Country. Both went on for months....the men claiming they were dying to meet and spend time with them. One even wanting to go so far as marry them. But alas their money was tied up and if only they could loan them the money for an airline ticket they would come and see them. Although one of my friends will never admit it I believe she did send money. The other started questioning it and out of the blue was contacted by the Feds that this was a scam.
But I don't want you to think all is hopeless. As Solar said we did meet online. But after 3 days of chatting and talking we agreed to meet. It was love at first sight. My oldest daughter also met her future husband online. They too after a few days chatting met and after dating a few times realized this was a perfect match.
Someone said "The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself."
One last thought. Although she is a "non-practicing Jew" That does not mean her beliefs and values are not ingrained in her personality. This could eventually be a problem especially if you were to move forward marry and have children..
Good luck! Toy
I will give you my .02$ with one preemptive comment. Pray. If you are a practicing Christian, then use His guidance.
My husband and I got to know each other over the internet, we had met in person through a friend briefly, exchanged phone numbers and emails, and just over a year later, we were married. We celebrated our 15 year anniversary last August. It can work. As far as her being Israeli, I think that only matters, if it matters to the two of you. I think it might be more difficult if she were a practicing Jew, but understand that she may not be willing to join you in your faith either, which could become a stumbling block in your faith. It all depends on you, what God has planned for you, and what you want or are willing to do.
Love is not mushy, love, in its truest form, is putting another persons needs above your own. When it is returned, both have your needs met and are shown care and understanding in the process because you have to be willing to listen and understand to know what that persons needs are.
Good luck and welcome to the forum.
Quote from: JustKari on October 13, 2012, 09:22:02 AM
I will give you my .02$ with one preemptive comment. Pray. If you are a practicing Christian, then use His guidance.
My husband and I got to know each other over the internet, we had met in person through a friend briefly, exchanged phone numbers and emails, and just over a year later, we were married. We celebrated our 15 year anniversary last August. It can work. As far as her being Israeli, I think that only matters, if it matters to the two of you. I think it might be more difficult if she were a practicing Jew, but understand that she may not be willing to join you in your faith either, which could become a stumbling block in your faith. It all depends on you, what God has planned for you, and what you want or are willing to do.
Love is not mushy, love, in its truest form, is putting another persons needs above your own. When it is returned, both have your needs met and are shown care and understanding in the process because you have to be willing to listen and understand to know what that persons needs are.
Good luck and welcome to the forum.
Well said Kari, if it's a one way street and one person is always giving in, the relationship is doomed.
I've been in these types of relationships, it eventually leads to abuse, and before you know it, you are always walking on egg shells trying to avoid setting the other person off.
It's a slow translational process, but if a person finds themselves always having to compromise, they are headed towards being abused.
Quote from: Solar on October 13, 2012, 09:40:28 AM
Well said Kari, if it's a one way street and one person is always giving in, the relationship is doomed.
I've been in these types of relationships, it eventually leads to abuse, and before you know it, you are always walking on egg shells trying to avoid setting the other person off.
It's a slow translational process, but if a person finds themselves always having to compromise, they are headed towards being abused.
Been there, done that. :blush:
Quote from: kramarat on October 13, 2012, 10:04:40 AM
Been there, done that. :blush:
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me a third time?
I rented a U-haul and packed everything she owned, had her out in a day.
I quit dating for several years after that and did some serious soul searching, which paid off.
Quote from: Solar on October 13, 2012, 10:13:18 AM
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me a third time?
I rented a U-haul and packed everything she owned, had her out in a day.
I quit dating for several years after that and did some serious soul searching, which paid off.
My first nightmare lasted for years. Not much explanation is needed. I was 20, in the military, found true love. Man I was stupid!!!
Been married now for 14 years to my "real" true love and best friend. :wink:
Quote from: kramarat on October 13, 2012, 10:25:14 AM
My first nightmare lasted for years. Not much explanation is needed. I was 20, in the military, found true love. Man I was stupid!!!
Been married now for 14 years to my "real" true love and best friend. :wink:
:smile: :smile: :smile:
Okay, I know this story sounds a little like a movie, but I swear this is true:
So yes, while I'm keeping in touch w/ her, this girl from my school invited me out to a date. I was on the fence...but before I went there I asked God to give me a sign if this Israeli girl is right for me, so I prayed deeply...
...three hours later, the girl didn't turn up. Turns out she had a doctor's appointment. I couldn't believe it, God actually answered my prayers!
As for raising kids, I can let her raise them Jewish (as long as she raises them Conservative Jews), but of course, when they grow up, I'd like them to convert to Christianity out of their own accord.
Yes, I've given out a lot of concessions (sorry guys, most of it is private), but I don't count them, I've gotta put her needs first above me :love:
And you know, since 95% of the people here are way older than me, I know you might call it puppy love, but oh well :smile:
Politics wise, we're compatible as well, she's centre-right.
Haha, but yes, in the first few months, she didn't kind of like me because back then I was a filthy socialist hahaha, she opened my eyes :thumbsup:
Quote from: marksch19 on October 13, 2012, 09:35:47 PM
Okay, I know this story sounds a little like a movie, but I swear this is true:
So yes, while I'm keeping in touch w/ her, this girl from my school invited me out to a date. I was on the fence...but before I went there I asked God to give me a sign if this Israeli girl is right for me, so I prayed deeply...
...three hours later, the girl didn't turn up. Turns out she had a doctor's appointment. I couldn't believe it, God actually answered my prayers!
As for raising kids, I can let her raise them Jewish (as long as she raises them Conservative Jews), but of course, when they grow up, I'd like them to convert to Christianity out of their own accord.
Yes, I've given out a lot of concessions (sorry guys, most of it is private), but I don't count them, I've gotta put her needs first above me :love:
And you know, since 95% of the people here are way older than me, I know you might call it puppy love, but oh well :smile:
Politics wise, we're compatible as well, she's centre-right.
Age has nothing to do with love. My daughters did not speak to me for several months when I announced I was moving in with Solar after only knowing him for 3 months. I am sure they assumed it was puppy love. Sometimes when it is right you know it is right and others opinions do not matter.
The fact that you are asking for others opinions tells me you are not sure. So I will tell you what my father always told me and that I now tell my daughters. If you are happy that is all that matters. Meet the girl and decide. Ask God for he will not let you down.
Toy
Good luck.
Quote from: marksch19 on October 13, 2012, 09:35:47 PM
Okay, I know this story sounds a little like a movie, but I swear this is true:
So yes, while I'm keeping in touch w/ her, this girl from my school invited me out to a date. I was on the fence...but before I went there I asked God to give me a sign if this Israeli girl is right for me, so I prayed deeply...
...three hours later, the girl didn't turn up. Turns out she had a doctor's appointment. I couldn't believe it, God actually answered my prayers!
As for raising kids, I can let her raise them Jewish (as long as she raises them Conservative Jews), but of course, when they grow up, I'd like them to convert to Christianity out of their own accord.
Yes, I've given out a lot of concessions (sorry guys, most of it is private), but I don't count them, I've gotta put her needs first above me :love:
And you know, since 95% of the people here are way older than me, I know you might call it puppy love, but oh well :smile:
Politics wise, we're compatible as well, she's centre-right.
I personally believe puppy love is the love in it's purest form, simply because the heart overrules commonsense, but then, isn't that was love does?
Is there a reason you can't take things slower? It sounds as if you are on the fence of making a lifelong commitment, without having ever met the person. This is not the decision one should make so early in a relationship.
If it's meant to be, it will happen, slow down!
Put your feelings and loneliness aside for a moment and pretend you are counseling a friend in the same circumstance, ask questions you need answers to, if God is listening, you will get the answer.
But you really need to separate your personal feelings and let your core values and commonsense answer these questions.
Thanks, Mr & Mrs Solar for the advice, much appreciated :)
Well we do take things slower, she has to go to the army next year & I have to finish Year 12.
I'm currently doing volunteer work to earn work experience & then find a job & save up money to go to Israel :laugh:
I don't know, but ever since I've met her, I feel somewhat changed, I mean, I've had a few girls in the past but I don't know, they lack every thing that she has.
Quote from: marksch19 on October 14, 2012, 07:49:15 AM
Thanks, Mr & Mrs Solar for the advice, much appreciated :)
Well we do take things slower, she has to go to the army next year & I have to finish Year 12.
I'm currently doing volunteer work to earn work experience & then find a job & save up money to go to Israel :laugh:
I don't know, but ever since I've met her, I feel somewhat changed, I mean, I've had a few girls in the past but I don't know, they lack every thing that she has.
You're young, you should and will have many relationships before you find the right person.
If she is the right one, years of growth to come before you meet would only be a plus in maturity, making for a much stronger relationship for the both of you.
I speak from experience, you really need to get out and experience life first, before you commit to one person.
I'd say end it. She's too far away, and there are plenty of hot chicks in Australia.
Quote from: taxed on October 14, 2012, 11:49:50 AM
I'd say end it. She's too far away, and there are plenty of hot chicks in Australia.
Hear here!
Quote from: Solar on October 14, 2012, 12:13:17 PM
Hear here!
I was 29 before the right one came along. My young son is 39 and looking yet. :lol:
Time is on your side and hers.
The powers above (God) has always worked in extraordinary ways for me and the good wife. It has not failed us yet :thumbsup: :thumbup:
I was 2.5 months into my 20th year when I got married, statistically everything was against us. We knew without question that we were for each other, in fact, we made a commitment before we ever wed that once we said our I do's, we were bound for life, the vows were not going to be just pretty words. We gave each other the option to walk away, neither of us could. It hasn't always been easy, especially for Matt, he went from having a very active wife, to having a cripple. That would be tough for anyone, but we are stronger now than we have ever been. We were told by many people that we would not last a year, my mom was one of them. Understand that you may get hurt, but trust in God, try not to make plans until He gives you the go ahead. A wise man once said, "you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.". If you rush into things, you may miss God's insight, she might be the one, might not, but wait until you know. :smile:
Well I never knew Kenny Rogers was such a philosopher.
Thank you all & Kari for the responses :)
And yes, there are a lot of hotties down here, but eh, c'mon, most of them of are dumb, they don't even know the 1st PM here. :sad:
Quote from: marksch19 on October 14, 2012, 09:12:29 PM
Well I never knew Kenny Rogers was such a philosopher.
Thank you all & Kari for the responses :)
And yes, there are a lot of hotties down here, but eh, c'mon, most of them of are dumb, they don't even know the 1st PM here. :sad:
It is nice knowing the U.S. is not alone in that area. :lol: :lol:
Quote from: JustKari on October 14, 2012, 08:20:45 PM
I was 2.5 months into my 20th year when I got married, statistically everything was against us. We knew without question that we were for each other, in fact, we made a commitment before we ever wed that once we said our I do's, we were bound for life, the vows were not going to be just pretty words. We gave each other the option to walk away, neither of us could. It hasn't always been easy, especially for Matt, he went from having a very active wife, to having a cripple. That would be tough for anyone, but we are stronger now than we have ever been. We were told by many people that we would not last a year, my mom was one of them. Understand that you may get hurt, but trust in God, try not to make plans until He gives you the go ahead. A wise man once said, "you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away, know when to run.". If you rush into things, you may miss God's insight, she might be the one, might not, but wait until you know. :smile:
You raised the most important point of all, God.
It's one thing to ask God to give you what you, but its another to accept what God chooses for you.
I asked God for years for a certain type, all to no avail waiting for what I thought would be the perfect woman for me, then one day I relented and asked god to send me what he thought was best for me, he did, he sent me ST, a perfect match.
All one needs to do is relax and ask for gods help and guidance, he will never fail us.
I had an online dating experience once. Big Martha didn't look at all like her profile pic, I was banned from the Greek buffet, and I still can't get the cigarette smell out of my car. :thumbdown:
Seriously, though, I'd say tread very carefully here. Until you have some personal interaction with her, you won't konw whether the two of you are right for each other. I guess what I'd advise is, don't rush into anything.
You mention a couple of things that give rise for concern; the first and most important thing being that one being that you say you're a "Christian". If you are a Christian, not in name only, you should give credence to what the Bible says. It says "do not be unequally yoked". That means that we aren't to have deep, ongoing, close, marriage, relationships with someone who is not a follower of Christ, a Christian. That only brings a lot of problems between you and any kids that may come along. God designed us as humans, He designed marriage and He knows how marriage and business relationships work the best.
Being a long way apart and not having met face to face, spend some time and money and go visit the gal for a couple of weeks. Do not stay at her place and don't let the physical part of a relationship mess/cloud things. Once you're married there is plenty of time for that part of the relationship. After a period of a few months or so have her come to the area where you live. Have her stay with a family you know and let her see you in your environment for a couple of weeks.
Let the relationship have some time to cultivate. "A bad relationship is worse than no relationship".
Quote from: CubaLibre on October 15, 2012, 07:00:00 AM
I had an online dating experience once. Big Martha didn't look at all like her profile pic, I was banned from the Greek buffet, and I still can't get the cigarette smell out of my car. :thumbdown:
Seriously, though, I'd say tread very carefully here. Until you have some personal interaction with her, you won't konw whether the two of you are right for each other. I guess what I'd advise is, don't rush into anything.
hahahahahaha Years ago, I had a blind date a friend hooked me up with. I kept telling him no, but he was overly persistent. I described the type of girl I am in to, and he swore up and down that was her. Finally, I gave in and went to pick her up. It was a moonlit night, and when I tell you when she was walking outside, and she blocked out the moon, I'm not exaggerating. I had to get new suspension the next day. It turns out it was a practical joke. Haaaa freakin haaa.
Quote from: facilitiesmgr on October 17, 2012, 01:28:09 PM
You mention a couple of things that give rise for concern; the first and most important thing being that one being that you say you're a "Christian". If you are a Christian, not in name only, you should give credence to what the Bible says. It says "do not be unequally yoked". That means that we aren't to have deep, ongoing, close, marriage, relationships with someone who is not a follower of Christ, a Christian. That only brings a lot of problems between you and any kids that may come along. God designed us as humans, He designed marriage and He knows how marriage and business relationships work the best.
Your quote above is out of context. 2Corinthians6:14 says "Do not be uequally yoked with unbelievers. The young woman in question believes in God. [/color][/font]
Being a long way apart and not having met face to face, spend some time and money and go visit the gal for a couple of weeks. Do not stay at her place and don't let the physical part of a relationship mess/cloud things. AS a metter of fact, don't start anything even closely related to "physical" at least not yet. Kissing, holding hands, hugging, all those things that can and should be done with clothes on during this learning curve is the best approach. Once you're married there is plenty of time for that part of the relationship. After a period of a few months or so have her come to the area where you live. Have her stay with a family you know and let her see you in your environment for a couple of weeks. Again, keep this platonic. And if you are still interested after this, take one long weekend off together, Thursday through Monday and go where nobody knows either of you, somewhere romantic, and then get to know (biblical reference intended) each other. At this point, you can be pretty sure its real and worth while.
Let the relationship have some time to cultivate. "A bad relationship is worse than no relationship". OR a second thought - you could always use the Inuit method of determining compatibility. Each of you climb into a 5 meter deep hole that is 3 meters to a side and have the ladder withdrawn and stay in there together for two weeks. At the end of that time, if you are still speaking, and both still alive, it should work out fine :laugh: :biggrin: :blink:
Quote from: taxed on October 17, 2012, 10:25:03 PM
hahahahahaha Years ago, I had a blind date a friend hooked me up with. I kept telling him no, but he was overly persistent. I described the type of girl I am in to, and he swore up and down that was her. Finally, I gave in and went to pick her up. It was a moonlit night, and when I tell you when she was walking outside, and she blocked out the moon, I'm not exaggerating. I had to get new suspension the next day. It turns out it was a practical joke. Haaaa freakin haaa.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Did you get him back for that one?
Lesssee now,
I'm sure that my advice won't hurt ya' as it's been working for me for all of my married life.
Whatever you two decide to do, do in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. This does not promise a life free from some troubles. What it does do is protect you from the rigors of trouble. He has made many promises to us but if you'll notice, they are all prefaced by what he would have us do. You can take this to the bank because He doesn't lie. If you two can agree to put Jesus in the center of your lives, i see a wonderful life for the both of you.
Many good wishes for you both