A Modern Version of an Old Story

[TboneAgain]

Here's a modern version of the old fable about the ant and the grasshopper.

An ant and a grasshopper are living in the United States of America.

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. 

Winter comes, and the shivering, starving grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, ABC, and MSNBC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Americans are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears with the grasshopper on Oprah and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...' 

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations videotape the SEIU group singing, 'We Shall Overcome.' Then Rev. Al Sharpton's assistant has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper while Sharpton (via remote video) delivers an impassioned sermon damning ants in general. (The Reverend Al cannot attend in person as he has contractual commitments to appear on his MSNBC show for which he is being paid over two million dollars a year to complain that the rich are inherently evil and don't care about the poor.)

President Obama condemns the ant and blames President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, Fox News, evil fat-cat bankers, ATMs, bitter clingers, global warming, the Koch brothers, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight. 

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich on the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Ant Act, which is retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The bill is rammed through Congress by Democrats and signed into law by President Obama. The IRS, DOJ, EPA, HHS, BATFE, FBI, and NSA file simultaneous actions against the ant, staging multiple raids by SWAT-equipped federal agents on the ant's snug bungalow. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his fines or his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the administration's Green Czar and given to the grasshopper .

As the story ends, we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he lives in, which, as you recall, used to be the ant's house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again. The grasshopper is found dead after a drug-related shooting incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of crackhead spiders who use it to hold meetings and stash their drugs and weapons. The spider gang now dominates the once-prosperous neighborhood, which has become a wasteland of abandoned properties.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

The grasshoppers all vote Democrat. Be careful how you vote in 2014 and 2016.

[actionblock]

Bravo!

[taxed]

This is genius, T.

[TboneAgain]

This is genius, T.

Actually, I borrowed the framework of the tale from an email my father-in-law sent me, so I'll pass along about 50% of your kudos. 

[lindcamp]

This is really really good actually! I'm gonna save it to my hard so I can reread it sometimes. Thanks!

[mdgiles]

Problem is it isn't only the grasshopper, it's the spiders and the frogs also. If the ant had been smart, he would have called up some of his fire ant cousins from the South. No more problem. BTW, anyone who doesn't think they're not carrying, has never ran into one!