Silence Is Golden

[RV]

Many years ago, I was in a weekly meeting as usual. There were supervisors and managers all around. The fact that the Assistant to the director was in the meeting made it seem all the more important. I was younger, naive' and just happy that I was included. I sat there with my notepad, as always, ready to take extensive  notes so I would be able to report everything accurately to my staff.

I thought it was going to be the usual. I thought it was going to be a weekly status update. It always was but, I thought wrong. What started out as a weekly status update meeting quickly deteriorated into a trashing session for yours truly. I sat there dumbfounded as the Director's Assistant railed against me. I was blamed for things that I literally did not supervise. I was credited for screwing things up when in reality, all I had done was follow my immediate manager's orders as always. I prided myself on following orders. The only exceptions I made were if I was asked to do something that was unethical, illegal or immoral. Thankfully I never was.

The sad part was that he had gotten it all wrong. In my mind I wanted so badly to defend myself. To jump up and let everyone know that I DID what I was supposed to do. I did my job and then some. I wanted to defend myself but, a still small voice inside my head told me just to let it go. I began to think of how badly the Director's Assistant would look if I had stood up and told everyone what had REALLY happened. If I had stood up and gave a factual and accurate account of what I was told to do and what I had done. I saw him as a human being, a family man and a co-worker. We all make mistakes and we all get it wrong occasionally. It just so happened that this time, I was the brunt of his mistake.

The money I had saved them and the time in litigation was never mentioned. The fact that I was always early to work while being the last to leave never entered the conversation. The fact that I had signed employees in who had forgotten their identification, didn't work for me nor in my unit, was not talked about. The fact that I never took breaks and barely took lunch was also never mentioned. When Y2K was supposedly going to bring down every system, I stayed by the phone with pager in hand at the ready. I had my list of people to call just before I was to run out the door and jump into the car. I didn't get much sleep that night. It didn't seem to matter. It was as if he was deliberately trying to make me look bad in front of everyone. The thrashing went on and I could feel my face getting warm and red as I sat there, quietly.

I was well aware of what the truth was, what my job was and just how badly the Assistant would have looked in front of everyone. It may have been a career ending move for him. He was of an age where he may not be able to get another job. I would look bad, maybe get chewed out publicly but, I'd live. It may not even be mentioned at my performance review. After all, I had been there for many years and had many excellent performance reviews under my belt. I knew what to expect, how to survive and how to earn my paycheck each week. I was probably not the best supervisor but, I certainly wasn't the worst either. I had earned the title of a "working supervisor", one who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and one who wasn't too proud to roll up his sleeves and get in there with the workers and help out if need be. At the moment, none of that mattered.

So anyway, I just sat there and took it. When the chewing out was finished, the meeting resumed as usual. I sat there in silence. I thought about apologizing but, then again, I wasn't guilty so it seemed dishonest and disingenuous. The eyes that had been focused in my direction moved away and were soon on whoever happened to be speaking at the moment. I realized that it was over. I quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

After the meeting, one of the other supervisors pulled me aside to ask me why I did not offer an explanation. She wanted to know why I hadn't told them that I was not guilty. I only offered that I didn't want the Assistant to look badly in front of everyone and walked away. It was time for someone else to be dumbfounded for a change. She knew the truth and that I wasn't deserving of the public thrashing that I had received. "But why", she followed, spun me around and continued. "Why didn't you stand up for yourself?" I wanted to turn the situation around. I wanted to ask her why she kept silent. I wanted to ask her why, if she knew so much, she didn't come to my defense. Instead, I again walked away and said nothing.

I was reminded of one of the stories of Jesus just before He went to the cross. Pilot asked Him a rather pointed question. Jesus, though He knew the answer, knew the truth and was able to see right into Pilot's soul, kept silent. There are times when silence is far better than words will ever be.

[walkstall]

That is why he got away with his bullshit, this is why we are in the mess we are in today.   Myself I would have got up and call out each point of his BS then walkout. 

[Solars Toy]

Many years ago, I was in a weekly meeting as usual. There were supervisors and managers all around. The fact that the Assistant to the director was in the meeting made it seem all the more important. I was younger, naive' and just happy that I was included. I sat there with my notepad, as always, ready to take extensive  notes so I would be able to report everything accurately to my staff.

I thought it was going to be the usual. I thought it was going to be a weekly status update. It always was but, I thought wrong. What started out as a weekly status update meeting quickly deteriorated into a trashing session for yours truly. I sat there dumbfounded as the Director's Assistant railed against me. I was blamed for things that I literally did not supervise. I was credited for screwing things up when in reality, all I had done was follow my immediate manager's orders as always. I prided myself on following orders. The only exceptions I made were if I was asked to do something that was unethical, illegal or immoral. Thankfully I never was.

The sad part was that he had gotten it all wrong. In my mind I wanted so badly to defend myself. To jump up and let everyone know that I DID what I was supposed to do. I did my job and then some. I wanted to defend myself but, a still small voice inside my head told me just to let it go. I began to think of how badly the Director's Assistant would look if I had stood up and told everyone what had REALLY happened. If I had stood up and gave a factual and accurate account of what I was told to do and what I had done. I saw him as a human being, a family man and a co-worker. We all make mistakes and we all get it wrong occasionally. It just so happened that this time, I was the brunt of his mistake.

The money I had saved them and the time in litigation was never mentioned. The fact that I was always early to work while being the last to leave never entered the conversation. The fact that I had signed employees in who had forgotten their identification, didn't work for me nor in my unit, was not talked about. The fact that I never took breaks and barely took lunch was also never mentioned. When Y2K was supposedly going to bring down every system, I stayed by the phone with pager in hand at the ready. I had my list of people to call just before I was to run out the door and jump into the car. I didn't get much sleep that night. It didn't seem to matter. It was as if he was deliberately trying to make me look bad in front of everyone. The thrashing went on and I could feel my face getting warm and red as I sat there, quietly.

I was well aware of what the truth was, what my job was and just how badly the Assistant would have looked in front of everyone. It may have been a career ending move for him. He was of an age where he may not be able to get another job. I would look bad, maybe get chewed out publicly but, I'd live. It may not even be mentioned at my performance review. After all, I had been there for many years and had many excellent performance reviews under my belt. I knew what to expect, how to survive and how to earn my paycheck each week. I was probably not the best supervisor but, I certainly wasn't the worst either. I had earned the title of a "working supervisor", one who wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty and one who wasn't too proud to roll up his sleeves and get in there with the workers and help out if need be. At the moment, none of that mattered.

So anyway, I just sat there and took it. When the chewing out was finished, the meeting resumed as usual. I sat there in silence. I thought about apologizing but, then again, I wasn't guilty so it seemed dishonest and disingenuous. The eyes that had been focused in my direction moved away and were soon on whoever happened to be speaking at the moment. I realized that it was over. I quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

After the meeting, one of the other supervisors pulled me aside to ask me why I did not offer an explanation. She wanted to know why I hadn't told them that I was not guilty. I only offered that I didn't want the Assistant to look badly in front of everyone and walked away. It was time for someone else to be dumbfounded for a change. She knew the truth and that I wasn't deserving of the public thrashing that I had received. "But why", she followed, spun me around and continued. "Why didn't you stand up for yourself?" I wanted to turn the situation around. I wanted to ask her why she kept silent. I wanted to ask her why, if she knew so much, she didn't come to my defense. Instead, I again walked away and said nothing.

I was reminded of one of the stories of Jesus just before He went to the cross. Pilot asked Him a rather pointed question. Jesus, though He knew the answer, knew the truth and was able to see right into Pilot's soul, kept silent. There are times when silence is far better than words will ever be.

Pontius Pilate Are you referring to "Have you no answer to make? See how many charges they bring against you?"  To which Jesus remained silent.  Mark 15:1-5

Jesus was fulfilling the prophesy of the Old Testament.  I am unclear what you accomplished.   Turn the other cheek?

Toy

[Owebo]

That is why he got away with his bullshit, this is why we are in the mess we are in today.   Myself I would have got up and call out each point of his BS then walkout.

Yep...and I would have done so with a smile...life is too short not to be polite and happy....lol

[Calypso Jones]

sometimes silence is more powerful than words.


and a lot harder to accomplish.

[RV]

That is why he got away with his bullshit, this is why we are in the mess we are in today.   Myself I would have got up and call out each point of his BS then walkout.

Great plan except, I had a wife and two kids to feed, a mortgage to pay AND calling out each point as you supposedly would have done, would have just antagonized the Assistant Director who had the ear of the Director. Not to mention that it would have prolonged the meeting, possibly costing the Assistant a job and made me look even worse. Sometimes being unemployed and right is not as good as being employed...

[RV]

Pontius Pilate Are you referring to "Have you no answer to make? See how many charges they bring against you?"  To which Jesus remained silent.  Mark 15:1-5

Jesus was fulfilling the prophesy of the Old Testament.  I am unclear what you accomplished.   Turn the other cheek?

Toy

Obviously, you can come up with your own observations and conclusions. For me, it was really a matter of keeping my words sweet, my testimony in tact and looking out for others rather than myself. If I was terminated as a result of being silent, the Lord would have taken care of me, He always has, He always will and I trust Him completely.

[walkstall]

Great plan except, I had a wife and two kids to feed, a mortgage to pay AND calling out each point as you supposedly would have done, would have just antagonized the Assistant Director who had the ear of the Director. Not to mention that it would have prolonged the meeting, possibly costing the Assistant a job and made me look even worse. Sometimes being unemployed and right is not as good as being employed...

As long as you can live with yourself.

[walkstall]

Obviously, you can come up with your own observations and conclusions. For me, it was really a matter of keeping my words sweet, my testimony in tact and looking out for others rather than myself. If I was terminated as a result of being silent, the Lord would have taken care of me, He always has, He always will and I trust Him completely.

If so the Lord would taken care of you, if you had told everyone the truth.  If he did it to you he also did to other also.  The Assistant should have lost his job, just think you may have been the Lord way of cleaning house.

[RV]

If so the Lord would taken care of you, if you had told everyone the truth.  If he did it to you he also did to other also.  The Assistant should have lost his job, just think you may have been the Lord way of cleaning house.

The Lord doesn't need me nor anyone else if He chooses to "clean" house. The Lord is more than capable. As His word says, we are to be faithful, set aside and to follow His commands. I was following scripture, I was following the Lord and I was true to His word. You can surmise, second guess and accuse all you like but, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

[Solars Toy]

Obviously, you can come up with your own observations and conclusions. For me, it was really a matter of keeping my words sweet, my testimony in tact and looking out for others rather than myself. If I was terminated as a result of being silent, the Lord would have taken care of me, He always has, He always will and I trust Him completely.

Just trying to understand your point and the connection you were making. 

I have tried to hold true to "Judge not lest you be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others."  Matthew 7:1

As a supervisor of a small unit (before I retired) I made sure my staff knew that I would take responsibility of any mistakes for our unit with the "bosses".   Bottom line it was my job to insure that they did their job correctly.  If they failed then I failed.

I am also the type who steps up and takes responsibility for my own mistakes and would be mortified if someone let me take the fall for their mistakes.  (Which did happen when I was in another department - I was asked to take the blame for my supervisor's mistake so she wouldn't look bad.  I fortunately knew the people who mattered knew the truth.)

Toy

Toy

[RV]

Just trying to understand your point and the connection you were making. 

I have tried to hold true to "Judge not lest you be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others."  Matthew 7:1

As a supervisor of a small unit (before I retired) I made sure my staff knew that I would take responsibility of any mistakes for our unit with the "bosses".   Bottom line it was my job to insure that they did their job correctly.  If they failed then I failed.

I am also the type who steps up and takes responsibility for my own mistakes and would be mortified if someone let me take the fall for their mistakes.  (Which did happen when I was in another department - I was asked to take the blame for my supervisor's mistake so she wouldn't look bad.  I fortunately knew the people who mattered knew the truth.)

Toy

As a former supervisor of three units, I can relate to taking responsibility for those under you. I agree with you also that the people who matter knew the truth, no explanation is needed.

[Hoofer]

Having been on both sides, and getting reamed out for NOT fighting back by my co-workers after a supervisor falsely accused me of a rumor & pack of lies - then refused to sign off on a company credit card bill (so it'd get paid)...  He had everything going his way, HR was breathing down my neck, demanding a $3200 credit card be paid for a trip off the mainland, etc,..  and then I produced an email.   HR did a 180, told me they've been having problems with this guy, giving approval for unauthorized "things" ... and fired him a month later.  I still work there.  I sent him a note, good luck with your endeavors, hope things work out.

Previous Director level/title job, the VP who was instrumental in hiring me, just turned into a "bear" - the unbearable type.  To "set me up", six months into the job, he demanded I come up with a budget (multi-million), for a board meeting scheduled 2 days later.   I was suppose to do that, on my own, he wanted a NEW, clean operating budget for 26 buildings, not including staff, but all maintenance & repairs, transportation, fees, fuel, electricity & taxes.   I immediately called Finance, asked them for the last 3 years of expenses on all the buildings.  Spent a day and a half, computing, compiling, and factoring in inflation (3%), for each building, put together a cover, summary, and my name on the top sheet. ... and sent a copy to VP of Finance - who looked it over first, made a couple of corrections/suggestions for accuracy.  After fine-tuning, I sent it to 3-4 other Directors, who were aghast that this VP would dump his job on me.

One of them had the foresight to warn me, "he's gonna steal it, rip your name off the cover, put his there, and pass them out at the board meeting tomorrow.  Print me a few more, I'll get them to a couple of the VPs who know what this guy is capable of."  I did, she kept her word.  During the board meeting, I got called in for questioning.   It was revealed my VP had done just as it was said, and I was thanked for the most thorough, comprehensive budget out of my department.. ever, then I was excused.  2 weeks later, I mentioned I was going to resign.  Couple of days later, I was at lunch with another director, and was invited to join 3 of the board members.   In frustration, they were expressing their utter disgust with my VP, couldn't figure out *how* to get rid of him, and begged me to stay on.   "I can't hold on much longer, he's coming for my head."  They *promised* to protect me, but I knew, they really couldn't.  My secretary was in the VP's pocket, telling him *everything* good & bad, second guessing my decisions - a mini conspiracy.  2 weeks later, I tendered my resignation letter.  My VP marched into my office, demanded I load the desk contents into a box under the supervision of one of my employees, and exit the facilities by the close of business that day.  He was furious, nothing about stealing the budget, but that I had "not consulted with him prior to sending the resignation letter".  HR decided to pay me 6 weeks additional - I took it.

That VP was there for a long time, after I was gone.  It was as if I had never, ever worked there - I was told by one of my underlings, they literally *undid* everything with my name on it, every policy, even the signs - and redid it all.   The guy who told me, had finally reached retirement age, and bailed.

I looked up my old VP's name, and he had finally left, or been let go, don't know which, and still lived in the same place... continues to be heavily involved in fundraising, and the Democrat Party.  He also went back to my previous employer, and "poisoned the well" - making it difficult to land a certain job I wanted at a major insurance firm.   I had to go back to another guy who gave me a questionable reference remark, "...would rehire with reservations" - but had reviewed me 6 years, with glowing comments, AND wrote a wonderful reference letter which really puzzled the prospective employer.  They showed me his comments, and asked "what's going on here?", and decided NOT to hire me - I had been their first choice.

Since I couldn't go after the former VP, I called the guy who inserted the poison pill into my personnel file, and angrily reminded him of the glowing reference letter he signed on company letterhead, warned him I would sue him if he ever did that again.   He apologized, never had another problem.

I'm more likely to just do nothing, and move on quietly.  It's cost me a couple of good jobs & promotions, not speaking up.  My dad said, "you're paid what you're worth."   I'd like to think my work "speaks for itself", that I'm worth a LOT to the company.  Those two jobs reminded me, of the real meaning of HR - Human Resource, the impersonal nature of business.  The ONLY reward is personal to you, the pleasure you derive from working, and hopefully, you earn enough money to take care of your family, maybe retire some day, if you'd like to. 

It is, however, a pleasant thing to learn, and hear from a former co-worker, that you're really missed, nobody really appreciated your workmanship, skill & dedication - until AFTER you had left.   Hearing about how easy & pleasant your work was, how things actually kept running .. but, it was so obvious until AFTER you left how much you were needed.  Or that a former employer tried for months to "find" you for rehire, your reputation was spotless, compared to your replacement (whom they're paying dearly).

But, no matter, we're all forgotten, with the longest memory of us, just a generation away.  It's only the most EVIL people who are never forgotten, and often emulated.  I have no regrets, refuse to live in the past - but push on towards the mark, the higher calling.

As that song goes, "This world is not my home, I just a passing thru.  My treasure is laid up, somewhere beyond the blue..."  So, I learned to work a little differently, as to the Lord, and just do a 'job' for my employer.

[RV]

As that song goes, "This world is not my home, I just a passing thru.  My treasure is laid up, somewhere beyond the blue..."  So, I learned to work a little differently, as to the Lord, and just do a 'job' for my employer.

It all comes down to when I stand before the Lord, no one else will be there to answer for me. I believe that the Lord puts me and all believers where He wants them. The Lord is in control, not me nor anyone else. As long as I am doing His will, following His word and serving Him, nothing else matters. Let them say what they will, let them scoff, let them name call, let them do whatever they can to sully the name of Jesus. It didn't stop the message two thousand years ago and it won't stop it now!