Author Topic: Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy  (Read 1833 times)

Offline wally

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Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy
« on: October 14, 2010, 12:13:35 PM »

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Republican Fisherman:
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.  She lowered her
altitude and spotted a man in  a boat below. She  shouted to him, "Excuse
me, can you help me? I promised a friend I  would meet him an hour ago, but
I don't know where I  am."  The man consulted his portable GPS and replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of
2346 feet  above sea level.  You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude
and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man.  "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
 correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm  still
 lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
 
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're  going.
You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You  made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to  solve
your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in  before we
met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreams

 Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad calls President
 Bush and tells him, "George, I had a wonderful dream
 last night. I could see America,the whole beautiful
 country, and on each house I saw a banner."
 
"What did it say on the banners?" Bush asks. Mahmud
 replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."
 
Bush says, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you
called, because believe it or not, last night I had a
similar dream. I could see all ofTehran, and it was
more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks.
Bush replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."
=========================================
The press is our chief ideological weapon.
~ Nikita Khrushchev

Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them.

~Ronald Reagan

Online Solar

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Re: Wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2010, 01:21:09 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
I love the last one.
#WWG1WGA

 

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