Author Topic: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.  (Read 891 times)

Offline Turks

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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.
« on: April 16, 2013, 02:49:34 AM »

   
Offending Everyone !

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips,
ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said
'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will
power.'


I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT
the correct answers.


A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about
the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it
eventually'.


I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the
bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said,
'Nope, you're still black'.


Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like
that!


A 10-year Old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man
passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this
morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father
O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last
ting on my mind at the moment.'


Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
sandwich works best!


Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth closed.


I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself. I'm going to take that.'


Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks
back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!


I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the
curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they
wanted the name of a country?


I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone
off is a piece of cake.

Offline Solar

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Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2013, 05:58:14 AM »
Henny youngman and Dice Clay collaborating on an act together. :laugh:
#WWG1WGA

Offline pisskop

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Re: SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE.
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2013, 07:35:46 AM »
these are great.
[MANNERISM_THREAD:lurk]

Today's ??? (_07JUL13_):

Summer of George

 

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