QuoteYou have reached Utopia, Inc., your World Government-contracted resource for all of your needs.

Please listen carefully as our menu has changed.

(. . . ) If you need extra piety credits, enter your SJW number and choose from the following:

To enter our Change of Color program, press one.

To volunteer to write slogans on coffee cups, press two.

To volunteer to bring toilet paper to Venezuela, press three.

To volunteer to become a doctor in Cuba, press four.

To volunteer to become a patient in Cuba, press five.

If you would like to leave the country you are living in and then return illegally, press five. (To be eligible for benefits under this program your total net worth must be under two million dollars).

If you would like to be on the Global Commission for Human Rights, press six. (Enrollment in this program is currently restricted to Iranians and members of ISIS).

If you would like to become the Secretary General of the United Nations, press seven.

If you would like to listen to the rest of this recorded message in a voice of a different gender, press eight. You will have 76 genders to choose from, including none. If you choose none, the voice you hear will be randomly chosen by a randomly-chosen computer built at our fully unionized, government owned COEXIST factory in Cambridge, Massachusettes.

If you would like to become the president of Yale University, press nine.

If you would like to attend Yale University, press ten.

If you would like to apply for a license to hunt and kill global warming deniers, press eleven.

If you would like to speak to one of our assisted suicide technicians, press twelve. You must be thirteen or older to participate in this program. If you are not thirteen or older, you must have the recorded permission of your legal guardian or a random stranger over the age of thirteen.

If you would like to be the Attorney General of the United States, press fourteen.

Quote from: tac on May 21, 2016, 06:06:43 AM


No choice for spanish?!

Quote from: tac on May 21, 2016, 06:06:43 AM


No choice for spanish?!